But there are problems with not being able to say “no”: 1) it can increase stress, which is really bad for our health and 2) saying “yes” to everything prevents us from focusing on what matters.

Overcommitting by trying to cram too many activities into too little time leads to stress. We are much more likely to get sick when we are stressed. And chronic stress can cause serious health risks including heart attacks.

Each time we say “yes” to something we are saying “no” to something else because the amount of time we have doesn’t change. This isn’t always bad. Agreeing to prepare dinner for our church’s Youth Group on Sunday evening might mean I won’t spend the afternoon on Facebook or watching TV. So it’s not that we should say “no” to everything. We just shouldn’t say “yes” too quickly.

Before saying “yes” we should take time to think about the request. First we need to consider our current commitments. When we say “no” to a new commitment we are honoring our existing commitments, making sure we have time to devote to things we have already said “yes” to.

We should also think about our overall priorities. Being clear about our priorities lets us evaluate requests based on whether or not they connect to our larger sense of purpose. We should only say “yes” if the new commitment is important to us.

I’m learning not to feel guilty about saying “no”. It helps to remind myself that saying “no” is important for my health and well-being. It keeps my stress level under control. It allows me to fulfill the commitments I already have. And it keeps me focused on what really matters.

But too many routines can be bad for our creativity and keep us stuck in a rut. They also prevent us from being present in the moment. Most of us drive to work without even noticing what we pass along the way. We get lost in thought because our brain knows the way.

I have a very orderly personality (anyone in my family would tell you that’s an understatement!), so I’m especially fond of my routines. But I have been trying to shake things up a bit. Moving across the country will definitely shake up of all of my routines, but small things can also do the trick. Something like brushing your teeth with the other hand or taking a different route to work can help wake you up. Or try moving some of the objects in your house to a new location, shopping at a different grocery store, listening to a type of music you don’t usually listen to, using a different machine at the gym, or choosing a new item on the menu at your favorite restaurant.

Breaking out of routines can help you see things you’ve never seen before by opening you up to new experiences. Doing things differently stimulates the growth of brain cells and increases your present moment awareness because your mind can’t zone out like it does when you are performing an automated behavior.

What will you do this week to shake things up in your life? Find small ways to get out of your routine and see how it can give you a fresh perspective and help you to be more fully present.

In her book “10-10-10”, Suzy Welch describes a method for making decisions. The process starts by framing the dilemma you are facing as a question. Should I stay late for a last-minute meeting instead of going to my son’s tennis match? Should I tell someone something they don’t want to hear? Should I spend this much money on a piece of furniture? Once you have identified the issue you need to resolve, ask yourself what the consequences of your options would be in ten minutes? In ten months? In ten years? Welch refers to this strategy as a “life management tool”. The process makes it easier to make decisions by helping us clarify the short- and long-term implications of our choices.

I think 10-10-10 is a great way to help us keep things in perspective. Remembering to look at the big picture is an important strategy for increasing positivity. When I’m stressing about making a decision it can be very helpful to remind myself that I most likely won’t even remember my current dilemma a few months from now. As a parent of teens it also helps to remind myself that it won’t be long before they forget how mad they are at me for not letting them do what they are asking to do.

So the next time you are stressing over something, take a minute to ask yourself: Will this matter in a year? Hopefully this will help you realize that something that seems extremely momentous right now will probably be pretty insignificant in the not so far off future. So take a deep breath and stop sweating the small stuff!

In their book on willpower, Baumeister and Tierney explain that willpower is like a muscle. It can be weakened from use, but it can also be strengthened by regularly exercising it.

Depleted willpower

In one study hungry students who were asked to resist eating chocolate chip cookies later performed worse on a test than students who had not had to resist the temptation to eat the cookies. Having to exercise self-control depleted their willpower to focus. You might notice sometimes at the end of a long day you have a shorter temper or small things bother you more. That’s because your impulse control has become weakened with use. This is why it’s better to make important decisions early in the day. It is also why I go to the gym first thing in the morning. I have learned that if I wait until later in the day I always find some excuse not to go because my self-control isn’t as strong.

Strengthening willpower

In another study students were asked to pay attention to their posture, making sure they weren’t slouching, for a week. At the end of the week they performed better on a self-control task than students who hadn’t been trying to control their posture all week. By exercising their willpower muscle it had become stronger. You can exercise your self-control by doing something you really don’t want to do. Give up eating sweets, do 50 sit-ups every morning, only check your email a few times a day, stop going to Starbucks, or turn off the TV and go to bed early. The more you practice resisting temptations the stronger your willpower will become and the more likely you will be to achieve your goals.

While there are a number of inventories that can be used to identify your strengths, I have been using the Realise2 strengths assessment in my coaching. The Realise2 is different from other assessments because it provides you with more information than just listing your strengths. The resulting profile includes your:

Realized strengths – attributes that you perform well, give you energy, and you use frequently.

Unrealized strengths – attributes that you perform well and find energizing, but you do not use frequently.

Learned behaviors – attributes or behaviors that you have learned to do well because you do them often, but they don’t energize you.

Weaknesses – attributes that you have difficulty doing well and that drain your energy.

What I like most about the Realise2 is that there are specific suggestions for how to use your results for your own development. Ideally you should do the following:

Marshall realized strengths – be careful not to overuse your strengths. At times you might need to moderate the use of a strength given the situation. Perhaps it isn’t an appropriate moment to use your humor.

Moderate learned behaviors – since these are not strengths you will be better off using them less frequently, ideally only when needed. They do not energize you and are less likely to lead to great success.

Minimize weaknesses – since using your weaknesses will rarely lead to success and will drain your energy, you should use them as little as possible. Some of the most successful people have avoided using weaknesses by finding a partner with complementary strengths.

Maximize unrealized strengths – this is your biggest area of potential growth! Looking for opportunities to use your unrealized strengths more will make you happier and more successful.

De-cluttering gives me a great sense of satisfaction. Having less makes it easier to find things. I no longer experience the stress of frantically looking for the bill I need to pay amongst all the paperwork on the desk or that red shirt I know is somewhere in the closet! Too much clutter makes me feel frustrated, overwhelmed and out-of-control. It also affects my ability to focus because I’m distracted when I see things I know I should organize or put away.

It appears that I’m not the only one who gets a happiness boost from clearing clutter. When I googled “clutter” together with “happiness” over 3 million articles and videos showed up! And just think about how much money people spend on gadgets to organize their closets or on magazines like Real Simple that are filled with clutter-clearing tips.

I think most of us know that getting rid of unnecessary things will make us happier. The problem is it can be really hard to do! Research by Kahneman and Tversky shows that people have loss aversion. We strongly prefer avoiding losses to acquiring gains. This means that we value things even more after we buy them, which makes it extra hard to give them away. I know I’ve held the same sweater in my hands every spring telling myself I should give it away because I haven’t worn it in a year, OK maybe even 3 years. But how can I give it away when it is in such good shape? Of course, it is like new since I never wear it! It takes a lot of discipline to get rid of our things.

But now that spring is here (wait, did we even have winter?), use it as an opportunity to boost your positivity by getting rid of clutter. It doesn’t have to take up too much of your time. Start small. Try cleaning out just one drawer. I bet when you see how good it makes you feel you’ll be ready to tackle the next one. And if you need any clutter-clearing tips you can find plenty on the internet.

So what exactly is emotional Intelligence? It is the ability to identify and manage emotions, which requires:

1)    Self-awareness – the ability to recognize your own emotions.

2)    Self-management – the ability to control your own emotions.

3)    Social awareness – the ability to diagnose the emotions displayed by others.

4)    Relationship management – the ability to respond appropriately to the emotional cues of others.

Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed. So one way you can improve your performance is by learning to be more emotionally intelligent.

It turns out that some of the practices that increase positivity also increase emotional intelligence. Here are a couple of examples:

Mindfulness – Being more mindful helps you increase awareness of your own emotions and recognize other people’s emotions as well. You will be more attuned to your own feelings when you are paying attention to what is happening right now. Present moment awareness also makes it more likely that you notice signs that reveal the emotions people around you are experiencing.

Meditation – Meditation is an effective practice for reducing stress and you are much better at controlling your own emotions when you are calm. Lower levels of stress and anxiety also make you less likely to respond inappropriately to other people. Loving-kindness meditation can increase your compassion for others, which increases your concern for how they are feeling.

The next time you practice mindfulness notice not only how you are happier because it puts the breaks on negative emotions, but also that it helps you to be more attuned to what you and those around you are feeling. And if you give meditation a try you will see that you are calmer throughout the day. As a result you will experience more positive emotions and you will be less likely to overreact to situations or people that cause you frustration.

Both happiness and emotional intelligence lead to success, so what are you waiting for? Why not give mindfulness or meditation a try?

The problem is that our family is going out-of-town for Spring Break this week and I know it will be impossible for me to meditate every day while we are traveling. So do I just give up? No! I have decided to give myself permission to be flexible with my goal. I will try to find a few minutes every day to close my eyes and calm my mind, but I won’t beat myself up if I go several days without meditating. I will just come back to it when our trip is over. This is exactly what we are taught to do when meditating. If your mind wanders all you have to do is gently bring it back to your breathing. It doesn’t matter how many times your thoughts interrupt you. You just keep coming back.

We can be so hard on ourselves when we fail to stick with something. We set goals, but life gets in the way and we don’t do what we said we were going to do. This happens to us all and it’s OK! Instead of beating ourselves up and giving up, we need to forgive ourselves and stop being so self-critical. All that matters is to start moving toward our goal again. It reminds me of Dory in “Finding Nemo”. As they were searching for Nemo she stayed positive (probably because her lack of memory kept her from dwelling on past problems, but that’s another blog) and kept repeating “just keep swimming”. So if you fall off course, don’t use that as an excuse to give up. Just keep swimming!

This year I’m going find something positive that I can add to my daily routine during Lent. Want to join me? Here are some ideas:

• Do one act of kindness every day. Cami Walker gave one thing away for 29 days in a row, so you might want to join the 29-Day Giving Challenge to get you started (and for some ideas!).
• Make a Lenten gratitude journal by writing about one thing you are grateful for every day.
• Pick one of your strengths and find a way to use it every day. A friend of mine likes photography and at one point she set a goal to take one good picture every day.
• Contact a friend or loved one every day. Use Lent as a time to reconnect with people you haven’t heard from in a while. You can send a short email asking how they are or pick up the phone and call the ones who are especially dear to you.
• Read a Lenten devotion every day.
• Find time to meditate every day. Ten to 15 minutes counts!
• Do some form of exercise every day. It could be a short walk around the block or doing sit-ups while you watch American Idol, but it has to be every day!
• Make sure you get 8 hours of sleep every night. You’ll have to be careful to stop pinning photos to Pinterest in time to get to bed at least 8 hours before you have to wake up.
• Eat veggies every day. I have suggested to my children that they should take up eating at least one vegetable every day. I think they’d rather give something up!

Clarity. The first step in empowering employees is to clarify goals and expectations. People can only progress at work if they have a clear idea of what results they are expected to deliver. With empowerment the role of a manager shifts from closely supervising what people are doing to holding them accountable for results. This means that managers need to clearly define expected outcomes and communicate them frequently so that everyone understands their responsibilities.

Support. The second step in empowering others is to support them by providing the resources they need to succeed and removing any obstacles that may hinder progress. Managers empower their people by serving their needs. This requires not only providing the time, resources, and encouragement necessary for accomplishing goals, but also actively working to eliminate barriers to success.

Autonomy. Finally, empowering people means giving them the autonomy they need to do their work. Once employees know what they are expected to do and have the support they need to do it, the best thing a manager can do is to get out of their way. Trusting employees to get their work done however they choose is fundamental for creating positive work environments.

How good are you at using the three elements of empowerment to help your people succeed?